it just doesnt feel like a night out with no one sizing you up

callbacks will be posted tomarrow night and yall will be the first to know how i did. trust me. ill eaither be exploding with joy or screaming in pain.

and i know and i know it just doesnt feel like a night out wth no one sixing you up ive never been so surrepticiius so i know you'll be distracted when i spike the punch. and i know and i know it just doesnt feel like a night out with no one sixing you up...

Today's Quote

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on the way.

-Carl Sandburg

gotta love pierre and seb

not to mention the rest of simple plan and of course bob rock. he rocks.

if I don't make your heart skip a beat;; then hate me

so i had a bad day

hard day

dont want to talk about

which is surprising cause normally i wanna talk about it

but it was just that bad.

matt hurt his arm sat at basketball practise. he was fouled...so hecant do this anymore:

but he has tought himself to play xbox and gamecube one handed already. go figure.

vocal auditions went sub par today...but thats ok i can make up for it in dance tomarrow. ((still keep me in ur prayers)){{matt too}}

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Love You are Love. Love is the glue that binds us all together. The love of family, the love of friends, the love between husbands and their wives--these things form the foundation of our happiness, our security, and our comfort. "All you need is love."
Charity
Peace
Faith
Friendship
Courage
Which Positive Quality Are You?

Today's Quote

No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you.

-Althea Gibson









one of the hardest things in life
is having words in your heart
that you cannot speak.

mie brovver

well im glad ya'll liked my last post. i just realized that my entries are wayyyyyyy too repetitive (thanks joey) so i needed to mix it up a little.

in other news, keep matt in your prayers...he broke his wrist bad and hes in alot of pain. i know that everybody has like sibling rivalry and i might complain about him sometimes but he really is one of my best friends, and we hardly ever fight. for real. i dunno its weird but we r like really close for siblings..maybe because we travel so much together, we have to be each other friends or else we would always be bored...

he is banged up. mentally and emotionally. literally and metaphorically. but every day he walks outside with a smile on his face because that's who he is. and i love him for it.

You scored as Fun. Your fun fun fun! Please rate my quiz! Fun 88% Outgoing 81% Dramatic 75% Nice 63% Immature 56% mean 19% Shy 13% what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?) created with QuizFarm.com

and if you have some extra time i could use prayer as well...its audition week and tomarrow is vocals...my worst day....

Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you. There is something about him that you can't put into words and even though you're not with him, you don't want to let him go.

this is one of my fav songs ever,,,the vid sucks tho..o well..

she knows it's a lie

You are a Playful Date

Your dating philosophy? "Fun first, romance later" You rather scream on a roller coaster... Then stare in to some guy's eyes over dinner. Guys to look for: Men with humorous profiles and quirky interests Sure that business suit guy may look boring... But if he likes snowball fights, give him a try

What Kind of Date Are You?

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. --JK Rowling















Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.































He has something worth tripping over.
I just didn't know I would fall so hard.















Today's Quote

If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.

-Anonymous

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

WANTED:
One boy who will ; one boy who will love me no matter what I do; someone that I can hug, who won't break my heart; who will know how to treat me right from the start. If you can fulfill my wishes, please--let me know.

she had her heart on the line

RANDOMNESS!!!

IVE BEEN IN THE CAR FOR 11 HOURS TODAY AND IM A LITTLE LOOPY!!!

IM GONING TO WRITE IN CAPS LOCK!!!

ok done with that...









Today's Quote

'Twas her thinking of others that made you think of her.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning















I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

You Are 79% Feminine, 21% Masculine

You are in touch with your feminine side. Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you. And you're just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

somebody who makes me happy

ONCE AGAIN;;;Dear Mr (or Miss) Anonymous,

i appreciate your comment. alot. ("Hey I just want you to know that I am one of your friends. That I will be there when you fall, and there when you need help. I will be there when some guy needs a fist to the face or even when he doesnt. I will be here in the good times too. I am always here and I do want to be your friend. Alright then you probably know who this is but if you dont just ask if it was Ill tell you.") but im very slow and have no ieda who you are. so im asking....("just ask if it was Ill tell you"). [♥]IF YOU DONT WANT TO TELL ME ON HERE THEN THERE ARE MANY OTHER WAYS TO CONTACT ME ie. www.myspace.com/matanda www.xanga.com/xamandapanda866x amandamatousek@comcast.net 443 939 8787 ETC ;;;
















When im around you i glow like new york city and burn like the desert. but im still just as blind as the love i am chasing, and that love is still you because you owe me nothing, and i owe you the world. and theres nothing i can do about it because
with love you don't choose, you just fall. and sometimes you get this person who is all right and all wrong at same time. to be in your arms, oh it just makes my heart melt. and thats where i wanna be for the rest of my life and i cant help but chase that high.

He's Not Even Swimming in Your Pond

Even though you may have feelings to this guy, he has no ties to you. You'll never get more than a casual fling from him - even if he tells you otherwise. His thoughtless actions speak louder than his sweet words!

Do You Have Him Hooked?

they say time will dry the tears, but true love burns for a thousand years...

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person

Dear Mr (or Miss) Anonymous,

i appreciate your comment. alot. ("Hey I just want you to know that I am one of your friends. That I will be there when you fall, and there when you need help. I will be there when some guy needs a fist to the face or even when he doesnt. I will be here in the good times too. I am always here and I do want to be your friend. Alright then you probably know who this is but if you dont just ask if it was Ill tell you.") but im very slow and have no ieda who you are. so im asking....("just ask if it was Ill tell you"). [&hearts]
















julia, my myspace is www.myspace.com/matanda.















so i just got back from my show. it went rly well. evrybodys at the blast game :(
o well. i wonder if anyone is actually gonna come see it... im the type of girl that wishes on stars, Even though i know nothing will happen. i still want some hope, that things will be better. i wish i was prettier, or a stronger person.
But most of all, with makeup running down my face, i wish for someone special. i wish that someone would show that they care. i wish for you.





















knowing that something will never happen
doesn't make you want it any less.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once

so ive decided that too many folks go through life running from something that isn't after them, and i was one of them. but now im just gonna let myself feel my heart
as it breaks within my chest now because no matter what i tell myself there's someone out there who was made to wake up next to me every morning.

and i admitt it, i fell in love, in love with you, and i didnt realize how much i cared until i realized that you didn't care at all. its very possible that any moment now loneliness will fill my heart & tears will fill my eyes. im done pretending im over it, because im not, not yet anyways. even when i think the flame has died, there's at least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then i find myself as screwed as the day i lied to everyone and said i never wanted to see him again.

one day i will fall so fast and I hope that it lasts, and it actually will. he won't hurt me, won't break me, he will just love me back. and thats all i need.































happy birthday erin!















Today's Quote

It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up.


-Vince Lombardi

Caring is real faint, like a heartbeat

"you don't know what you mean to me."

you're my entire world, kid.

I wonder if he can feel my eyes on him when I think hes not looking... eventually, one of two things will happen. He'll finally realize that im worth it, or ill realize that hes not.








honestly i cant really tell you what about him drives me crazy. maybe the fact that hes honest like this weekend he really hit me with the truth and part of me liked it and the other part of me thinks it would have been better if he would have hit me with a bus instead. I miss him so much, but I won't say it... I want him to be happy... but how can i let him be happy when he is boy i like, but he is in love with someone else?





day by day i feel myself, not become jelous of her really...but just working towards something and untill today i didnt know what it was i was working towards and i had a goal but i just couldnt define it but then i realized what i wanted to be. i want to be her. i want to be loved. and not the kind of love where you giggle with me in class and tell me your secrets. not the kind of love where you watch out for me or talk to me when you see me. i want to be loved. the kind of love where you want to spend the rest of your life with me. I could fill up a thousand pages telling you how I feel and you still wouldn't understand. i want to be loved. its not like I wanna be the only girl in your life. I just wanna be the only one that matters.

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

heres the vid i promised.

you are everything i want. and more than i deserve.

ok so youth group recap:
~mike n i rock
~I suck at soccer but love it anyways
~i asked brian to marry me
~he said no
~DJ tells the best stories
~mainly just because they make me happy
~actually can we just change that to everyone in youth grop makes me happy.
~i love my fellow flock mates
~not that i dont love the son seekers but ya know.


ok.


i want to be that girl. the one who had absolutely everything in her way,but was able to overcome all the obstacles & prove them all wrong but for right now im happy where i am. after all, theres nothing i can do to concentrate right now. it's so distracting- always thinking of you. and at some point, ill have to make a decision. ive finally realized that my boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence me in. my life is messy. That's just how i was made. So, i can waste my life drawing lines. Or i can live my life crossing them. but do me a favor... pinky promise that when we're old ... we're gonna be best friends racing each other in the nursing home with our wheelchairs. kk?





God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.








now, time for a video. ok later bc i cant find a good one.

when i said that i was afraid of falling, he whispered " he has wings."

When one thing doesn't work out it's only so that another thing will...right? today tyler drew me a dia de los muertos picture bc today is the day of the dead. it was so cute. i framed it. i think its bad that i love it so much....i just love it when he gives me anything...because its always so...thoughtful. for example, the picture he colored for me...or on my b day he gave me a beanie baby bull because "it was the closets one they had to a cow". how sweet is that??? Sometimes I would almost rather have someone take away years of my life then to take away a single moment ya know? thats just how some people make me feel. i love some of my memories of tyler...and i hate some of them too...but they are all like mixtapes...they sing me to sleep every night.

because i feel like it.

just fyi...
things boys should know...

Whatever you do, if you just show up at my house [without notice]...dont be surprised if im in a less than presentable stae...i run around in my underwear just like you do.
DON'T CHEAT ON ME. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, i WILL find out and you will be mud. If you do cheat on me do not ever tlak to me or try to see me evr again.
Beware of every single male relative i have and all my guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the hat.
NEVER miss an opportunity to tell me im beautiful.
DON'T refuse to hug me in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
If i slap you hard, you deserved it.
Don't be afraid to touch me if you want to. If im with you in the first place, it's because i like being near you.
i don't mind paying half of everything.
Make sure i get home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping me off, walk me to the door. If you aren't dropping me off, call me to be sure im home safely.
If a guy is bothering me, it is your right to beat the crap out of him.
Go to a chick flick with me once in a while. i dont care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went with me.
get along with my pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to my friends, Mr. Polite to my parents, and make sure to be nice to my animals.
Don't flirt with my mom...that's just freaky.
Don't stress about where we are gonna go or what we are gonna do while we r together. i really only want to be with you.
Memorize my birthday.
smell good.
after we have been hanging out for a while, realize that i really have started to trust you. When i truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
NEVER, and i mean NEVER make me do anything i dont wanna do.


too much to ask for? maybe. but nessisary? totally.

i just got home from homecoming

homecoming was... fun...but lackluster. ah i dunno. dan made me happy. he looked so cute and he can sure move his hips for a guy. lol. too bad about some other ppl tho... anyways...















Always look at what you have left never what you've lost. so i guess all in all i had a good time. not great, but good. There are just so many things that I Would like to say to him But I don't know how. or rather, i dont know how to get him to listen. we never have a chance to be with each other anymore & i miss him alot. If he wants to be with her then ha can go ahead. I'm not stoppin him. I'm tired of trying to make him love me. Someday he will see how much he really does love me. But, then again someday; someone else is going be with me, preferably david. (hey a girl can dream!) lol.















I want to be able to look in someone's eyes and just know they feel the exact same way as I do.

I dont want to be perfect

when someone sees you as you really are and still wants to be with you, now that's powerful. i think thats why i risk more than others think is safe... care more than others think is wise... dream more than others think is practical... and expect more than others think is possible. and I don't really have friends... I have family.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

love is something you can't describe.
like the look of a rose, the smell of rain,
or the feeling of forever.

i only lie when i lie to myself

People may never see what I see in you & that's perfectly fine with me. i just realize that You don't always have to do everything right. and i like the fact that you stand up for yourself & put up a fight. i guess that you could say that i'm in love with your potential, baby. I'm in love with what i know you will turn out to be. so this one id for all the girls that quit believing in love all because of one boy who tore their heart in half. This is for the girls who are afraid to give their hearts out; for some day, i know we will find some boys worth giving pur hearts to. after all, The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences and mistakes and still sees the best in you.















To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten.















do you love me?

I'm a sucker for those sweet talkers

you cant find the bad parts of my life in my photo album, but it's those bad parts that helps to get me from one happy photo to the next. there are some people in my life right now that i would do anything for. and they happen to be alot of the people that read this. i dont know if you guys know this but for you, I'd smile when you're happy, comfort you when you're sad, try to be the perfect girl & calm you when you're mad. id Hold your hand to make you strong & say your right when I know you're wrong. so now that you know this can you understand why im brokenhearted? id give anything to be with you and youd do anything to lose me. I know I'm the last thing you've ever wanted, but maybe I could be just what you need. just think of it from my point of view, the worst way to miss someone is when they're right beside you but you can't be near them. Don't lie to me to make me happy.tell me the truth.
Cause in the long run, thats what'll make everything okay. i hope.















i feel no comfort as I sit here all alone.
I wait for some sort of life changing event.
Where I will be so happy and different.
When the smiles won't be forced,
And the nights won't be restless.
Where the thought you doesnt upset me.
When pretending to be happy doesn't exist.
Because the happiness is actually really true.
For once in my life I want change.

Tonight I'll stand in the light

Baby you never cease to amaze me.You wanna know why? Cause just when I'm ready to say I'm done with you, you say one sweet thing and I'm back to being yours. Tonight I'm drowning in my favorite records, realizing how every lyric reminds me of the times i've spent with you. I've got the windows rolled down and the music turned up, and i havent been this happy in a long long time. its hard to explain but Do you ever feel like you're working for something you're never going to get, like a shoot & miss kind of deal. Like no matter what you do you can't have it. But yet that's what makes you fight for it. Just a little bit more? this whole time i had myself convinced that I missed his smile,but now i finally realize that i missed mine even more.

i had to write a one stanza poem in Neruda's style for my english class. i have to turn it in tomarrow, i hope Ragusa doesnt hate it...:

Your name is the name of a spark, or a fire, or a rose,
of things that commence physically and close metaphysically:
monkier in whose fight the strong prevail,
in whose spell the innocence of youth is lost.















because there is always someone who loves you, even if it's not the person you were hoping for.

i want a boy...

-who wouldnt be afraid to shove ice cream in my face.
-who will wrestle with me.
-who shows me off to his friends and family.
-who treats me with respect.
-who will call me at four in the morning, just to tell me he can't stop thinking about me
-who could break my heart but wouldn't dream of it.
-And when we aren't together, I want to be the one he's missing.
-i want him to look at me like he has never looked at anyone else.
-i want him to look at me like i have something other girls don't.
-i want him to tell me there is no other girl in the world quite like me.
-when I ask him if he loves me, i want him to tell me the truth.















but i also want something else. Something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps. Or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms. Or maybe something as simple as not being second best. i want to kiss someone and know right then and there that's who i want to kiss for the rest of my life. i want the kind of boy that makes me love my name just because of the way he says it. i only wnat to be taken for grantedif its a compliment, if it means im a comfortable and trusted part of another person's life. I want someone to fight for me. I want someone to say that there is no one else that they could ever be with and that they only want to be with me.i want someone to put out his hand and grab for mine while all of his friends are watching. i need someone to need me back.















Today's Quote

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

-Maya Angelou
















Click Here to get this from pYzam.com!

Me? I'm scared of everything.

I'm scared of what I feel, I'm scared of what I did, thing ive said, of who I am,
and most of all I'm scared of never feeling the way I felt when I was with you again for the rest of my life. i used to think that running away from your fears was a sign of weakness, and maybe it still is... but i never said i was strong. and even if i was at one point, I'm not strong anymore,for the first time in my life I just
want to run away from everyone. Don't blame me for running away, I can't afford another heartbreak.



things have changed... things have happened... things that i couldnt have even imagined when i was full of hope.The reason i hold onto memories so tightly is because while everything else changes, they will always be the same. It's just amazing how one day someone can walk right into your life & then you can't remember how you ever lived without them... but then they walk right out again as if they never walked in at all. i've never met anyone that can compare to the way he makes me laugh... and, and, i want..I wanna move on...but I'm scared. scared that I won't find anyone else like you.















but maybe i should of kept that all inside. it would be so easy to just seal my lips and tell a lie.

show me you can't live without me

first off, justin you totally made my day first with ur amazing army skills but mostly by quoting me on corrie's blog. lol.















im feeling the need to clarify some things. i know at times i may seem a little boy-crazy but the difference between physical attraction & love is the ability to see the same person at their best & at their worst and still wanting & needing them the same as before. but i guess that without mistakes, i wouldn't know whats right and wrong, so i just have to give everything a chance. just know that words cannot explain what I'm feeling inside. Oh wait, I take that back. how about. "everything sucks." ok maybe not. dont get me wrong, i will never regret the things (or people) that made me smile once apon a time, but i have to just learn from the tears that happened in real life.















tell me you're not okay
and you needed me all along

Just because we don't say certain things, doesnt mean we dont feel them.

~~that video was from the movie Center Stage. i have yet to see the whole thing so who wants to rent it and have a movie night with me???~~

!!yes, i will def bring andrew to youth group with me asap!!

##this sat nite @ 7 im in a fundraiser, One Nite Only. for $5 you get all the dessert you can eat and watch me sing/dance songs from the 70's! its in the omhs cafeteria and if you could come out and show some support it would mean the world to me!##

ok that was alot of random side notes, now, on with my real entry...

i have always been a very...well...i guess emotional is the word....i have always been a very emotional person. lately it seems that some of my friends are being a but more "emotional". although of course i hate to see them in pain, it is kinda nice to know im not the only one who feels a certain way. but i just hope all of you know how much you really do mean to me. and we may not have it all together;
but together we have it all. i truely believe that.















the truth is, i tend to wnat to build high walls around my heart cause i know no one can climb that high. That way, when no one else attempts to reach the top, which is what i know is going to happen, i won't be disappointed. but the funny thing is, nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting. you have stood next to me while i was completely broken, and you didnt even know.

it takes three seconds to say I love you...but a lifetime to prove it.

*****note::so im making up a new rule. if you read this, you leave me a comment. even if its just "i read this" or something random. because since i have such a simple mind, when some people come up to me in person and say soemthing and i have no idea what they r talking about its usually because they are referring to this, and i didnt even know they read this. so if you could plz just let me know if u read this, i would greatly appreciate it!!!:end note*****

so theres this kid i met. his name is andrew. no one who reads this (i think) knows him. hes really funny and samrt and considerate and just an all-around good kid. unfortunately he has had an extremely difficult childhood and his home life sucks. i have befriended him, but not just because i feel sorry for him, but because i think hes an awesome person who is just lacking some guidannce. he make me want to help him , mostly because i see alot of myself (mainly the parts i dont like) in him. i think he thinks my life is perfect. but im just a really good liar i guess. just keep him in your prayers ok? and i bet alot of you will get to meet him because, well because this happened friday:

me: i wonder where my family is. I cant get in tuch with anyone.
steph: i hope the rapture didnt happen bc then we r screwed.
andrew: whats the rapture?
steph: *insert breif explanation of rapture here*
andrew: oh im not really religous.
me: you do realize what that means right? *smile*
andrew: *smile* what?
me: *smile* i have to save your soul.
andrew: *laughs* i think im a little too lost to be saved.
me: thats what they all think. *smile*
andrew: *smile*

i know it may not seem like much but i think im off to a marvolus start, you will most def get to meet andrew when i bring him to youth group...eventually..















if I love you enough to let you go,
do you love me enough to come back?

so heres the classic story of teenage love... does she choose the nice guy, or the bad boy???



btw, she choooses the nice guy. :D

Life is full of risks

ok. so yes, im overemotinal, and yes, i write some depressing things on here. but the best part of all that is that i can write it on here, and then i dont have to hold it in my heart anymore.


I love sleep...because my life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. But each and evryday i wake up becuae there is that one thing that keeps me going. love.
Life without LOVE isn't life at all. and really i just have to remind myself that i can't miss out on what's happening right now just because im waiting for something better to come along. i can't live in the future. i have right now. plus, i have your smile. and the hope that maybe you might have mine.















So God said to me, " Sure, you can have it all!!! just not all at once..."





















and Lauren, i have this goal that you and i are going to become the best of friends. satrting this weekend. i simply cannot wait. <3

Is she broken? Maybe. Does it hurt? like crazy.

well im going through some hard times. harder than ususal which really sucks because since im so over emotional evrything is so hard as it is that it really cant be harder...but then it is. i really need to get away. thats reason #99999 that i cant wait for this weekend.

i knew life wasnt always beautiful. i knew it could be just plain hard. i knew it could knock you down, i even knew it could break my heart...but i didnt know it would shatter my dreams. i hate not being in control. I am what I am, but for some people that will never be enough. i just dont know why its so hard for me to understand that. i dare you to look me in the eyes & tell me how you really feel. not how you feel about something i did or something i have or something i wear. i dare you to tell me how you feel about me as a person. am i good enough?















Sometimes you have those people
in life where no matter what you do
or say to them, they'll always look
at you the wrong way.

And no one said it was going to be easy

People don't keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret...a seacret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know.

www.myspace.com/matanda

www.xanga.com/xamandapanda866x

www.xanga.com/l_a_r_r_i_e


check em out.















Stand up for what you believe in.
Even if your standing alone.

It's the days we're so crazy people think we're high.

so i went to the mall with monica. too bad they were out of EVRYTHING we planned on getting. it sucked. anyways, still just getting out of the house was fun. then we went to chesseburger in paridise. it was good but it made me feel sooo fat, i couldnt even finish my food, evrything was gimoungous. but i saw my cinnie-minnie so twas all good. ok im gonna be honest, i havent done any more work on london brigde bc i just havent had the time. and i feel really bad...so maybe ill keep it for another week??




















I wish I felt nothing,
then it might be easy for me,
like it is for you.

She's your basic, average teenage girl.

im sooo happy right now because evrything is just going good ya know? ryan (a friend of mine who is amazing) and monica (my cousin) are finally officially dating and i think they r perfect for each other. after all, they both chicken dance really well...lol. plus, monica sent me really cute pics of missa (my sister) and her in oc and hopefully we r gonna go shopping sat...fun fun fun.

LIVE

YOUR

DREAM.















we would sit & wonder about the future. but now im thinking that today sounds fine to me.

remember to check out beccahs blog to find out what i did labor day...

I'll wait for you, hoping that you'll change your mind because
Hoping's all I can do...

im so excited for the fall retreat & I hope the weather holds, but than again, we don't need the sun to make us shine.



& I still count my blessings, with or without you. & no, I guess i didnt learn a lesson; I'm still a dedicated fool.















in life, God does not give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need ; to teach you, to hurt you, to love you, to make you laugh...to make you exactly the person you should be. ♥

knowing that something will never happen doesnt make me want it any less

i just wanted to say that that dumb photograph of me and you still
brings tears to my eyes... and it takes a someone special to make the ordinary moments like that something to remember... so i'm sitting here listening to the tick tock of the clock because these days, it's the only thing that stays the same.















this is the scene where I confess that you mean everything to me

Dance in the rain just to get soaked

i got the title from thinking about beccah. we spent the weekend together brige-builing. it pretty much rocked. pics should be up on her blog soon.

in other news, i have been thinking about _____ alot lately and i really reall really really really miss him. and the worst part is, i know he doesnt miss me. its like a lose-lose situation or something. Whatever I'm doing, whenever it is,whoever I am talking to, I am always thinking about one thing. him. and that just cannot be healthy. every time I see a shooting star I whisper his name, and he is consistantly in my prayers.

granted, i know im kinda boy crazy...but this is different. I didn't fall in love with him because of his drop dead gorgeous eyes. I fell for what was behind them. and for the first time in my life i stare at myself in the mirror. i can no longer notice my once reedeeming qualities. i cant give myself credit for being such a forgiving person. A wonderful friend. A great listener.because somehow, if _____ doesn't see my beauty, neither can i.















you know you're in love when you realize
you found the person you'd die for

maybe I don't wanna be in love...

i cannot believe my first "real" school day is tomarrow. just hoes to show you that things change. friends leave. & unfortunatly life doesn't stop for anybody. im not ready for the real world...so not ready...

i mean come on we all know that im just the girl who lives for the m o m e n t s that bring butterflies to my stomach & a smile to my face...im just a girl...

im just a girl and ...& i'm dancing in the rain, trying to wash my pain away.

no girl is stupid enough to love you like i do

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Love is the hardest thing to find, and the easiest thing to lose. We recognize a true love when we realize that the only who can make us feel better us is the one who caused the pain.♥

no words are needed...lol

I don't know

and i want you to say that I am the brightest little firefly, in your jar. mmkay?

Today's Quote

Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.

-Cher



so I wonder... when i pass by does anyones stomach do a flip? does anyone get nervous? does anyone ignore their friends, just to look at me? does anyone wait to see my smile? does anyone get sweaty palms? does anyone think to themselves ... "oh gosh here she comes"? ...cause if they do, they know exactly how i feel when you walk by.

You Are a Glam Rocker!

You put the "show" in rock show with your larger than life self. No doubt, you are all about making good music... But what really gets you going is having an over the top show. Glitter, costumes, and wild hair are your thing - with some rock thrown in!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

..and sometimes, if you're lucky....

so i think im starting to realize just how important friendship really is. like this story i read one time. basically theres this girl and this guy and they r best friends but they have this huge fight and both of them are like feeling all depressed and stuff and evrything is basically going wrong. well the boy decides he is going to commit suicide by jumping off these huge cliffs naer the end of town, but when he gets there he see that the girl is already there about ready to jump. so of course his protective instincts take over and he tries to talk her out of it and...


girl: I will only give you one night To prove yourself to be better than my attempted fight. I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap. I will toss myself from these very cliffs. And you will never see it coming.

boy: Settle precious I know what you're going through...See, minutes before i saw you, I was gonna jump too. but seeing you ive realized how much i have to live for. because youve never really lived untill you find someone to die for, and hey, i found you so i figure this is just the begining of something that could end up being beautiful, and even if it doesnt, i will always love you.

and they both lived happily ever after.

so i just wanted to let you know, that if you are reading this, although i may be mean, self centered, stupid and arrogant, i love you. more than you know. and im gonna try to be a better freind, and i only ask that you give me that chance.

♥













I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempted fight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you will never see it coming
"Settle precious I know what you're going through
See, minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"

What Type of Writer Should I Be

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

love

If it feels right, it probably is.

i got contacts today. they feel really werid. everyone says ill get used to it but im not so sure.

I live for the moments that I'll always remember With the friends, I'll never forget, so kate n i saw step up last nite. you really can see erin perfectly like 3 times.

i love her.

fyi, my fav jellybellly flavors are now mashmellow and cream soda.

Sometimes I just dont understand

i miss some of the people i used to hang out with or rather, the people who i always wanted to hang out with...but they never wanted to hang out with me. fyi, they still dont.i mean i wish i wasnt so confused becaue id like to think that im missunderstanding the fact that im consistantly excluded, or maybe its really me not them... but i feel like they are sending me mixed signals ; and i don't like the confusion it brings. i'd rather have the honest truth...even if it hurts . . . because then i wouldn't waste my time depending on false hope to keep hanging on.

for once in my life, i want them to take a chance with me so i can show them that i really am worth it....oh well. onward with my quest to find what makes them hate me... and i just pray that eventually all the pieces will fall into place. until then i just have to laugh at my confusion. live for the moments i do have with them & just try to remember that everything happends for a reason.









"those look like some de-lish-ous grapes....not. look, that ones a rasin." ~Tyler like 5 mins ago while looking at the werid grapes in my fridge

^^ that was alot funnier while he said it...^^















Heads Carolina, Tails California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where ever don't matter, long as we're goin.
Somewhere together, I've got a quarter.
Heads Carolina, Tails California















she cries herself to sleep at night & no one's there to dry her eyes

Entrance Exam

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"

The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."

"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

Yes, I may just be crazy. But no, i dont really care.

so i just wanted to let you know that you have something so many guys don't. You have a girl who is standing in front of you telling you that wherever she goes your always on her mind and in her heart... she finds that without you she wouldn't be nearly as happy... and that life just wouldn't compare to how it is now. Not many guys have that. and i dunno... those memories didnt fade did they? so maybe someday we can be more than friends, maybe someday love will find us, or rather, maybe it will finally find you.

and although you may not know it yet, and you know what? maybe you'll never even think about it... but I'm special. You're gonna meet a lot of girls throughout your life, and a lot of them will be special to you... But I'm telling you right now, you'll never find another me.

Life for you, has been less than kind, so take a number and stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt, but how we survive, is what makes us who we are. and frankly baby, i like what its made you.

love always and forever,
me

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you But you also know when to show some interest back You're good at keeping your guy guessing And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We saved the world. I say we have to party."

What Superheroine Are You?

sometimes the hardest things to let go of are the things you never really had.

some people care a little too much,
i think it's called LOVE ;
-- winnie the pooh

<3

<3

how come everything always makes sense;; until I see him again... untill i remember that he & I could make the whole world jealous...
not that i want to.



<3
& its really all my fault... I've made myself the fool thats falling for him. i mean really, all the drama, lies, heartbreak, & tears & these are the best years of our lives? i know it sounds melodramatic but i am dramatic and the only advice anyone ever gives me is "be strong"...I don't WANT to be that strong;; if it means being alone. no one ever tells me its ok to cry.

then again, is it really my fault you've got the arms i wanna be wrapped in,
the eyes i want to lose myself in, & the voice i could listen to for hours?
<3

i wish i knew exactly what to do. i wish... i wish i could lose this alter ego i have adopted. the "me" everyone thinks they know... but i cant help thinking it's better to laugh about nothing than to cry about everything. right?

and if you were actually to read this, which i know you wont so its ok, but if you were, and i could tell you one thing, I would scream: please don't leave me here tonight...I need you now, I need you in my life.

but i would never tell you that because, well, because it gets hard to trust anyone when everyone you ever opened your heart up to lets you down. and ben always said, "if you can't handle my worst, then you don't deserve my best." then again, look what happened to ben. and the sad part is he died without me knowing weather or not i will see him again with our heavenly father, and i can only blame myself for that. i was too selfish to think about...i was too young to realize that im not invincible. but he wasnt. wasnt too young or too week. he could do anything...or so he thought. and i never belived his brother when he told me. it all sounded like a sick joke...but the minutes passed...hours...days, and i got the notice for the funeral. and i didnt go. didnt have the heart. well i didnt have the time, money, or abillity, but mostly i didnt have the heart. i know ben would have forgiven me for abandoning him and im sure god has forgiven me but i know for sure i will never be able to forgive myself. and if you sat here and read this im sorry. sorry you had to hear me lament and cry but ive never put it all out there like this before and i dunno there was just something telling me i might feel better if i did. granted i dont feel better right now, and i dont think i ever will be able to feel as i once did, but...but...i judt dont know anymore. im just so sorry.

funnes

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love?

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

The Million Dollar Question for God

A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, "God, what is a million years to you?"

God replies, "My son, a million years to you is like a second to me."

The man asks, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"God replies, "My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me."

The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?"

And God replies, "In a second."

Do me a favor...

Talk to me in movie theatres so i wont be as scared.
hold my hand if we ever take a walk and its dark out.
tell me that i look pretty....even when i dont.
Look me in the eye when u talk to me.
Tell me stupid jokes.
Let me mess with ur hair.
Accpet the fact that i suck at dodgeball.
Tickle me Even if i say stop.
When i start getting madat u,tell me u love me.
Let me fall asleep in ur arms.
only Tease me...if you let me tease u back.
Stay up w. me all night when im sick.
Watch my favorite movie....untill you can quite it with me.
Write me letters....just to let me know you are thinking about me.
If i ask u 2 go 2 a show with me,go.
Let me wear ur clothes.
When im sad,hang out with me.
Let me take all the photos of u i wants.
And if u fall in love with me, tell me.

i know it sounds like alot to ask,


but if you do it for me, ill do it for you.

it certainly wasnt anything he said-

-he would have clearly remembered a brakthru in this case. He would have marked it on a post it note, left it on his claendar. But theres no record from last week in his datebook, nothing at all.

Theres just the time of their last meeting, and recorded beneath it, at 11:00am, the name of little Faith White.

a bunny story

A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"

The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."

The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"

The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

The Wonders of God

The Wonders of God

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

The boy replied with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle."The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy, and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" behind the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible lying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.

"Wow!" Exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"

light bulbs

How Many Christians Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

good clean fun

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis (?) has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail

11 percent

ok ok ok ok.
i think ive learned alot this weekend.
so there we were. some guy, some trucker guy fell asleep at the wheel, ran into both our cars, ran us right off the bridge into the water. it was kinda in slow mo, but you dont realize it. you dont realize that you are going to die untill you feel the pressure of the water, and then it starts to leak in. i knew i was going to die, and i knew she was going to die. she couldnt of been more than nine or ten years old, and here we were starring into each others eyes, dying. i wanted more than anything in the world for her to be saved, and then i saw it, i saw her chance. The robot dived into the water, coming right at me. SAVE HER i screamed. i screamed it again and again, SAVE HER SAVE HER! he hesitated, but he didnt listen. he saved me, and sara died. he made the "right" descision. he calculated our vitals and i had a 25 percent chance of survival. sara only had 11 percent. but sara, sara was somebodys baby. just a baby. a human woulda known, they woulda known to save her. they woulda know that 11 percent was enough for somebody's baby. 11 percent is more than enough.
11 percent is more than enough.

blessed, for evrything you give me

i wish...

i hate how i keep wishing for things i dont have. i mean i am an extremely lucky girl. i mean im so blessed. my lil blessing for this week? MY BEST FRIEND GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS ME!!! how amazing is that? ok so some ppl just dont understand my enthusiasm, but it means alot to me.

i have abosoluley no resistance against peer pressure. none. thats why i have to surround myself with "trust-worthy" friends. i think thats something i need to work on. i find that usually im a leader, but when im not, im not just a follower but im like a blind follower or something..i think thats a problem...

person of the week: Gwen Steffani, because someone had to teach the world how to spell bananas.


There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in a beautiful Antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."
As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, "You don't understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that." "I don't like it!" "Let me alone," but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!"

Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm ! getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!", I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.'

He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then......Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door." Help! Get me out of here!" I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'.

"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! "Ah, this is much better," I thought. But,after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes%

COAL BASKET BIBLE The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible.His grandson, who wanted to be just like him, tried to imitate him in any way he could. One day the grandson asked, "Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bible do?"

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You will have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was "impossible to carry water in a basket," and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You can do this. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got far at all. The boy scooped the water and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Papa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" the old man said. "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that the basket looked different. Instead of a dirty old coal basket, it was clean.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bible. "You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change you from the inside out."



Monday, December 26, 2005
ok so the point of this is not for you to tell me how hopeless or stupid or emo i am, but for you to offer up helpful advice:
ME: OMGOSH, _____, I WONT SEE YOU UNTILL NEXT YEAR!
HIM: WELL IF YOU WOULD call me WE COULD HANG OUT.
ME: OK, I WILL THEN.
HIM: ::NOD AND SMILE AS HE EXITS ROOM WITH A BACKWARDS GLANCE AND A WAVE::
ok so i was gonna get ki n becca n call him n b like, "wanna go see a movie with US?" and then they were gonna like "accidentally" ditch us. but, but, but, they r both away on vacay...and its so much harder to say "wanna go to the movies with ME?" AND i only have his home phone #, and i dont wanna have to talk to his sister bc she already had a problem with me n her brother "hanging out" in the past.
so, any body wanna volenteer to be a thrid wheel??

confessions of a tennage drama queen

I think I'm ugly sometimes. I have many scars. I wish my hair was a different color. I am self-conscious about my appearance. i have braces.i wear glasses.I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. I have freckles. My biological parents are together. I want to have kids someday.i almost always do my homework. I've missed a week or more of school. I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years. I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. Disney movies still make me cry. I've snorted while laughing. I've laughed so hard I've cried. I've glued my hand to something I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose. I've had my pants rip in publicI've driven over 200 miles in one day.I've been on a plane. I've seen a shooting star. I've wished on a shooting star.
i go out in public in my pajamas. I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator I've kicked a guy/girl where it hurts. I've been to a casino. I've gone skinny dipping. I've played spin the bottle. I've been in a play. I've caught a snowflake on my tongue. I've sat on a roof top at night. I've played chicken. I've played a prank on someone. I've eaten Sushi. I've been snowboarding. I'm single I miss someone right now. I have a fear of abandonment. I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. I've kept something from a past relationship. I've had a crush on a teacher. I am a cuddler. I love to flirt. I am a terrible liar. I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't. I've snuck out of my house. I am keeping a secret from the world. I've cheated while playing a game. I've cheated on a test. I've witnessed a crime. I've been in a fist fight. I hate funerals. Someone close to me has attempted suicide. Someone close to me has committed suicide. I've planned my own suicide. I own something from Hot Topic. I own something from The Gap. I'm very outgoing. I'm religious. I dress fairly modestly. I sing in the shower. I like sportsI twirl my hair I love being neat. I bake well.My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue I would wear pajamas to school. I am in love with love. I laugh at my own jokes. I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. I am really ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I play video games. I'm good at remembering faces. My answers are totally honest

survay yay!

W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R
1. pierce your nose or tongue? nose
2. be serious or be funny? both
3. drink whole or skim milk? skim
4. die in a fire or drown? i dunno, i think drowning would be less painful yet burning would be oh so dramatic...
-------------------------------------------------------------A R E Y O U
1. simple or complicated? complicated
2. Gay? yes, as in, now we don our GAY apparal, falalalalaalalalala, but i dont like girls, at all. well a lilttle. gah! y is this such a hard question?????? jk but not really.
3. Hardcore? totally. crap, "totally" isnt a very hardcore word is it???
4. Honest? completely
DO YOU PREFER
1
. flowers or angels? thats kinda a werid question...flowers
2. gray or black? black
3. Color or Black and white photos? black n white
4. lust or love? love
5. sunrise or sunset? sunset
6. M&Ms or Skittles?:skitles
7. rap or rock? rockkkkkk
8. staying up late or waking up early? um, staying up early!
10. eating apples or oranges? both
----------------------------------------------------------------------
DO YOU PREFER
1. being hot or cold? cold
2. sun or moon? both
3. Winter or Fall? fallllll
4. left or right? left
5. having 10 acquaintances who will have sex with you or having two best friends? Definitely the two best friendssss
6. sun or rain? rain
7. vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: vanillaaa
8. boys or girls: boys

-----------------------------------------------------------------ABOUT YOU
What time is it? 9:53 pm
Name? amanda
Nickname(s): matanda
--------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT DO YOU WANT
Where do you want to live? LA!
How many kids do you want? eaither like one or two or twelve
What kind of job do you want? A fun one
Do you want to get married? DEFINITELY
-----------------------------------------------------------------
UNIQUE
1. Nervous Habits? nail biting
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? yes
. Can you raise one eyebrow? yea but i have to try really hard
5. Can you cross your eyes? yes haha
6. Do you make your bed daily? nooooo, lol, well i kinda half make it-----------------------------------------------------------------------CLOTHES, ETC
1. Which shoe goes on first? whichever ones clsest to me at the time
2. ever thrown one at someone? haha, yes I have
3. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? like a couple dollars
4. What jewelry do you wear? earings and bracelets, id wear necklaces if i had ones i liked...hey u could buy me some! :D
--------------------------------------------------------------F O O D
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl,
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? no
3. Favorite ice cream flavor: strawberry cheesecake
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? four
5. What's your favorite beverage? i dunno
6. What's your favorite restaurant? pizannos
---------------------------------------------------------------------------GROOMiNG
1. How often do you brush your teeth? al lest twice a day
2. How do you wear your hair for the most part? on my head
3. Have you ever dyed/highlighted your hair? nope,
---------------------------------------------------------------------MANNERS
1. Do you swear? i try not to
2. Do you ever spit? no. hahaha this made me think of tyler. lol. i lov u tyler!
3. You cook your own food? occaisionally I try
4. You do your own chores? yea
5. You got laid today? ? what? of course i did. jk.
6. You like beef jerky? i like chicken jerky
. You like pepsi or coke? vanilla coke
8. You plan on going to college? definitely,
9. You're happy with your hair? not really
10. You own a dog? Ouiiiiiii. His name is shadow
11. You spend your money wisely? i dont really have money...lol

12. You're always making new friends? I liketo make friends, maybe I do...
13. You like to swim? yea
14. Have you ever gotten bored so you call a friend? Yeah,
15. You're patient? im mediokre
16. You like this survey? it's kind of lame, but I'm still doing it
-------------------------------------------------------LET'S BE HONEST.
In the last month have you...
1. Had sex: ALL OF THE TIME...no
2. Bought something: yes, and that's a stupid question
3. Gotten sick: no
4. Sang: yes
5. Been kissed:no
6. madeout, or further? psht no
7. Felt stupid: ha, all of the time
8. Missed someone: mhmm
9. Got drunk: nope
10. Gotten high: nope
11. Danced crazy: every day of my life
12. Gotten your hair cut: no'
13. Watched cartoons: nope
14. Lied:no
------------------------------------------------------------Last Person that...
1. Slept in your bed: me
2. Saw you cry: my brother
3. Made you cry: mom

4. Went to the movies with you: becca n matt
5. You went to the mall with: becca n matt n steph
7. You went to dinner with: becca n steph
8. You talked on the phone with: becca
9. Said 'I love you' to you: lizbet1
0. Broke your heart: i dunnno
11. Made you laugh: kiki
12. Bought you something:mom----------------------------------------------------Have You Ever...
1. Wished you were the opposite sex: not really, but I'm sure it would be fun
2. Snuck out of your house: yes
3. Gave money to a homeless person: yeah,

theres beauty in all imperfections

ok so i have a test for you to see how smart you really are.
how do you put a tiger in a refrigerator?
open the door, put him in, and close the door.
that question tested wether you do things in an overly complicated way.
next, how do put an elephant in a refrigerator?
did you say open the door, put him in, and close the door?
WRONG!
open the door, take out the tiger, put the elephant in and close the door.
that question was to see if you think about ur previous actions.
next, there is an animal meeting and evry animal is there except one. which one?
the elephant!
that question tested your memory.
ok one more question to try n prove ur smartness...
you need to cross a river but its inhabinated by crocidiles. what do you do?
swim across, all the animals are at the meeting.
that question tested if u learn from ur mistakes.
howd you do?

am i a girly girl?

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

just a joke

so i think some people are getting the wrong idea... in case you didnt already realize this, that last entry was just a joke, in fact i didnt even write it, kierra and company did. (thanks alot guys). nikas party went well but none of that stuff really happened. i think some people read this and took it seriously, but really they just made it all up, in fact if i knew how to delete entries i would but since im so blog-illiterate i dunno how so i guess its just gonna have to stay there. i just hope you guys know me well enough to know that that wasnt me...and if you did, i hope you read this so you know the truth.
peace.

the party

ok so, last nite i had a freaking awesome party...if u were there, you know what i mean. i dont really have enough energy to put up a play by play on here but here are my highlites:
~justin in the shower with his glowsticks
~trampoline wrestling
~trampoline stripping *cough*cough*jakobkierraandbishop*
~the trampoline in general...getting unvirginized..thanks to ross
~me n tyler (firsts)
amanda says: that was hott
~tyler n kierra (sloppy seconds)
kierra says: ew, that was wet
~tyler n becca (super sloppy thirds)
becca says: he freaking choked me with his tongue!
~wtf tyler?????
anyways...
~Chris: "no black on black violence!"
~cop: thats illegal, so unless you have $50 i suggest you get out....two seconds later...kierra: ok guys hes gone, get back in!
~brennan: sure, ill make out with becca......me: dont you have a girlfriend?.....tyler: and isnt she like right there? .....brennan: yea, so?
~brennan: kierra, i didnt know you were rough like that......jakob: i like it! kierra: just because im strattling jakob doesnt mean...
~Chirs: whats that smell?....me:shut up chris, nothing smells!....chirs: yea it does, it smells like smoke...me: shut up chris, beccas mom is rite there!....chris: o! nothing smells! what are you talking about, ur crazy!
~Matt g: really, its 7 inches! honest! you guys dont beleive me! im telling the truth, 7 inches! here let me show you...everyone else: GOD NO MATT! PUT THAT THING AWAY! WE BELEIVE YOU!!!!
~jakob: my (unbuttons 1st button) pants (unbuttons second button) are falling (unzipps) down!
~joey: ive proved my theory, white ppl love techno music!....becca: but black ppl cant dance to it!
well those are some of the highlites,,,but lets just say....you had to be there.
and now, thanks to me n kierra, here are the award winners!!!:
most action award: tyler
least clothed award: jakob n bishop n kierrA
best dancer: chris
weirdest mexican: justin
best dressed: me
best pre party: vips (me becca nika kierra justin jason jakob)
best after party: the one at beccas house n the one at tylers house
best soccer stars: kierra n derek (justin n omar just suck)(and matt d disappered)
most likeLy to have contracted herpes: me (THANKS ALOT TYLER!)
best dj: joey!
most boring: matt d, derek n omar ( sorry kids, sorry)
most stupid ppl who shoulda been at the party but wasnt: kayla n posse, saudii, steph s
most stupid ppl who left the party when they shoulda stayed: tyler n posse (xcept ray)
most stupid ppl who shoulda left earlier but didnt: ray (sorry kid, sorry)
coolest ppl: ten finger game participants,,,xcept for ray
comment if you have any
lov, kierra n amanda