so heres the classic story of teenage love... does she choose the nice guy, or the bad boy???



btw, she choooses the nice guy. :D

Life is full of risks

ok. so yes, im overemotinal, and yes, i write some depressing things on here. but the best part of all that is that i can write it on here, and then i dont have to hold it in my heart anymore.


I love sleep...because my life has this tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. But each and evryday i wake up becuae there is that one thing that keeps me going. love.
Life without LOVE isn't life at all. and really i just have to remind myself that i can't miss out on what's happening right now just because im waiting for something better to come along. i can't live in the future. i have right now. plus, i have your smile. and the hope that maybe you might have mine.















So God said to me, " Sure, you can have it all!!! just not all at once..."





















and Lauren, i have this goal that you and i are going to become the best of friends. satrting this weekend. i simply cannot wait. <3

Is she broken? Maybe. Does it hurt? like crazy.

well im going through some hard times. harder than ususal which really sucks because since im so over emotional evrything is so hard as it is that it really cant be harder...but then it is. i really need to get away. thats reason #99999 that i cant wait for this weekend.

i knew life wasnt always beautiful. i knew it could be just plain hard. i knew it could knock you down, i even knew it could break my heart...but i didnt know it would shatter my dreams. i hate not being in control. I am what I am, but for some people that will never be enough. i just dont know why its so hard for me to understand that. i dare you to look me in the eyes & tell me how you really feel. not how you feel about something i did or something i have or something i wear. i dare you to tell me how you feel about me as a person. am i good enough?















Sometimes you have those people
in life where no matter what you do
or say to them, they'll always look
at you the wrong way.

And no one said it was going to be easy

People don't keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret...a seacret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know.

www.myspace.com/matanda

www.xanga.com/xamandapanda866x

www.xanga.com/l_a_r_r_i_e


check em out.















Stand up for what you believe in.
Even if your standing alone.

It's the days we're so crazy people think we're high.

so i went to the mall with monica. too bad they were out of EVRYTHING we planned on getting. it sucked. anyways, still just getting out of the house was fun. then we went to chesseburger in paridise. it was good but it made me feel sooo fat, i couldnt even finish my food, evrything was gimoungous. but i saw my cinnie-minnie so twas all good. ok im gonna be honest, i havent done any more work on london brigde bc i just havent had the time. and i feel really bad...so maybe ill keep it for another week??




















I wish I felt nothing,
then it might be easy for me,
like it is for you.

She's your basic, average teenage girl.

im sooo happy right now because evrything is just going good ya know? ryan (a friend of mine who is amazing) and monica (my cousin) are finally officially dating and i think they r perfect for each other. after all, they both chicken dance really well...lol. plus, monica sent me really cute pics of missa (my sister) and her in oc and hopefully we r gonna go shopping sat...fun fun fun.

LIVE

YOUR

DREAM.















we would sit & wonder about the future. but now im thinking that today sounds fine to me.

remember to check out beccahs blog to find out what i did labor day...

I'll wait for you, hoping that you'll change your mind because
Hoping's all I can do...

im so excited for the fall retreat & I hope the weather holds, but than again, we don't need the sun to make us shine.



& I still count my blessings, with or without you. & no, I guess i didnt learn a lesson; I'm still a dedicated fool.















in life, God does not give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need ; to teach you, to hurt you, to love you, to make you laugh...to make you exactly the person you should be. ♥

knowing that something will never happen doesnt make me want it any less

i just wanted to say that that dumb photograph of me and you still
brings tears to my eyes... and it takes a someone special to make the ordinary moments like that something to remember... so i'm sitting here listening to the tick tock of the clock because these days, it's the only thing that stays the same.















this is the scene where I confess that you mean everything to me

Dance in the rain just to get soaked

i got the title from thinking about beccah. we spent the weekend together brige-builing. it pretty much rocked. pics should be up on her blog soon.

in other news, i have been thinking about _____ alot lately and i really reall really really really miss him. and the worst part is, i know he doesnt miss me. its like a lose-lose situation or something. Whatever I'm doing, whenever it is,whoever I am talking to, I am always thinking about one thing. him. and that just cannot be healthy. every time I see a shooting star I whisper his name, and he is consistantly in my prayers.

granted, i know im kinda boy crazy...but this is different. I didn't fall in love with him because of his drop dead gorgeous eyes. I fell for what was behind them. and for the first time in my life i stare at myself in the mirror. i can no longer notice my once reedeeming qualities. i cant give myself credit for being such a forgiving person. A wonderful friend. A great listener.because somehow, if _____ doesn't see my beauty, neither can i.















you know you're in love when you realize
you found the person you'd die for

maybe I don't wanna be in love...

i cannot believe my first "real" school day is tomarrow. just hoes to show you that things change. friends leave. & unfortunatly life doesn't stop for anybody. im not ready for the real world...so not ready...

i mean come on we all know that im just the girl who lives for the m o m e n t s that bring butterflies to my stomach & a smile to my face...im just a girl...

im just a girl and ...& i'm dancing in the rain, trying to wash my pain away.

no girl is stupid enough to love you like i do

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Love is the hardest thing to find, and the easiest thing to lose. We recognize a true love when we realize that the only who can make us feel better us is the one who caused the pain.♥

no words are needed...lol

I don't know

and i want you to say that I am the brightest little firefly, in your jar. mmkay?

Today's Quote

Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.

-Cher



so I wonder... when i pass by does anyones stomach do a flip? does anyone get nervous? does anyone ignore their friends, just to look at me? does anyone wait to see my smile? does anyone get sweaty palms? does anyone think to themselves ... "oh gosh here she comes"? ...cause if they do, they know exactly how i feel when you walk by.

You Are a Glam Rocker!

You put the "show" in rock show with your larger than life self. No doubt, you are all about making good music... But what really gets you going is having an over the top show. Glitter, costumes, and wild hair are your thing - with some rock thrown in!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

..and sometimes, if you're lucky....

so i think im starting to realize just how important friendship really is. like this story i read one time. basically theres this girl and this guy and they r best friends but they have this huge fight and both of them are like feeling all depressed and stuff and evrything is basically going wrong. well the boy decides he is going to commit suicide by jumping off these huge cliffs naer the end of town, but when he gets there he see that the girl is already there about ready to jump. so of course his protective instincts take over and he tries to talk her out of it and...


girl: I will only give you one night To prove yourself to be better than my attempted fight. I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap. I will toss myself from these very cliffs. And you will never see it coming.

boy: Settle precious I know what you're going through...See, minutes before i saw you, I was gonna jump too. but seeing you ive realized how much i have to live for. because youve never really lived untill you find someone to die for, and hey, i found you so i figure this is just the begining of something that could end up being beautiful, and even if it doesnt, i will always love you.

and they both lived happily ever after.

so i just wanted to let you know, that if you are reading this, although i may be mean, self centered, stupid and arrogant, i love you. more than you know. and im gonna try to be a better freind, and i only ask that you give me that chance.

♥













I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempted fight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you will never see it coming
"Settle precious I know what you're going through
See, minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"

What Type of Writer Should I Be

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

love

If it feels right, it probably is.

i got contacts today. they feel really werid. everyone says ill get used to it but im not so sure.

I live for the moments that I'll always remember With the friends, I'll never forget, so kate n i saw step up last nite. you really can see erin perfectly like 3 times.

i love her.

fyi, my fav jellybellly flavors are now mashmellow and cream soda.

Sometimes I just dont understand

i miss some of the people i used to hang out with or rather, the people who i always wanted to hang out with...but they never wanted to hang out with me. fyi, they still dont.i mean i wish i wasnt so confused becaue id like to think that im missunderstanding the fact that im consistantly excluded, or maybe its really me not them... but i feel like they are sending me mixed signals ; and i don't like the confusion it brings. i'd rather have the honest truth...even if it hurts . . . because then i wouldn't waste my time depending on false hope to keep hanging on.

for once in my life, i want them to take a chance with me so i can show them that i really am worth it....oh well. onward with my quest to find what makes them hate me... and i just pray that eventually all the pieces will fall into place. until then i just have to laugh at my confusion. live for the moments i do have with them & just try to remember that everything happends for a reason.









"those look like some de-lish-ous grapes....not. look, that ones a rasin." ~Tyler like 5 mins ago while looking at the werid grapes in my fridge

^^ that was alot funnier while he said it...^^















Heads Carolina, Tails California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where ever don't matter, long as we're goin.
Somewhere together, I've got a quarter.
Heads Carolina, Tails California















she cries herself to sleep at night & no one's there to dry her eyes

Entrance Exam

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"

The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."

"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.

Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.

Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.

The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

Yes, I may just be crazy. But no, i dont really care.

so i just wanted to let you know that you have something so many guys don't. You have a girl who is standing in front of you telling you that wherever she goes your always on her mind and in her heart... she finds that without you she wouldn't be nearly as happy... and that life just wouldn't compare to how it is now. Not many guys have that. and i dunno... those memories didnt fade did they? so maybe someday we can be more than friends, maybe someday love will find us, or rather, maybe it will finally find you.

and although you may not know it yet, and you know what? maybe you'll never even think about it... but I'm special. You're gonna meet a lot of girls throughout your life, and a lot of them will be special to you... But I'm telling you right now, you'll never find another me.

Life for you, has been less than kind, so take a number and stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt, but how we survive, is what makes us who we are. and frankly baby, i like what its made you.

love always and forever,
me