the sky is dark now, but it's the best dark I ever had

so, to explain my title, tings arent really going that well lately but weirdly im ok with it. its like i know that in the end evrything will turn out how its supposed to, and i guess god just keeps reminding me of his purpose for me. im not sure what it is, but i know there is one, which is very comforting.

and tomorrow, I know,
Will be rainy at best.
And the forecast, I know,
Is that I'll be depressed.

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
for control over the sky

And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I

And now I'm sunny with a High
of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

And the temperature is freezing
And then, after dark,
There is a cold frost sweeping
In over my heart

And we might break up
If I don't wake up to the sun

Sunny with a High of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light (made it light)

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be...
Alive









Today's Quote

Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger.

-Lou Holtz

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

To befriend others we must first befriend ourselves

when life gives you a thousand reasons to cry... show life that you have a million reasons to smile back.

ok.
so we all know that i really didnt mean alot of what i said in that last post. it just took me a while to remember who i am i guess. but i have good friends to remind me. like bekah and aly and julia and ms diane. and like bishop.

so i was sitting in TOK class on friday...and this guy bishop (thats what i call him, its his last name) comes over to me and starts singing a song. "hey matanda, you know that song? la lalalalala la la lalalala? what si called? come on, i know you know what its called.." but of course i was still in a mad mood at this point. "i dont know bishop." he could tell right away what was bothering me, so he started to walk away...but then he turned around, came over to me, and gave me a huge hug and he wispered in my ear; "guess what? he laughed yesterday. he laughed! matt laughed! he smiled, and he made a joke that didnt make any sense! he laughed amanda. we are all gonna be ok." and then he turned around to walk away again, and as i sat down he yelled to me; "Amanda!" "what?" "just remember, you're a song written by the hands of God!"

ive been ok ever since.
and im gonna be ok from now on.
because i like being ok better than being not ok.















Sometimes you got to lose something good to get something better

she needs everything that will destroy her

i dont know how i am going to do it. this whole life thing i mean. its too hard. too too hard. and i know what im suposed to think. im suposd to think that i cant do it alone but god will haelp me. but i cant help but think that i dont want god to help me. because if hes wasting time on me, i feel like he isnt helping the people you really need him. like matt.

my freind matt's mom died sunday. the funeral was today. not only is this tearing matt up, but its tearing me up, and its tearing all of our friends up. Can you imagine being inn school all day long with rooms full of kids on the verge of tears? its one of the most painful things i have evr done. and to see mr. tough guy, and i mean mr. has-played-varsity-football-since-freshamn-year and mr. has-broken-3-ribs-and-never-ever-showed-pain-because-pain-is-a-weakness...to see him look like he is never going to smile again, and then to have him fall apart, sobbing, in your arms???? i never want it to happen again. and i cant make it stop.

meanwhile, i get accepting into Vocal Ensemble (the 20 best vocalists in my school of 2700) and improv team (the 15 best kids at improv (whos line is it anyway))...

its.not.fair.

i dont want it to happen. but it is. and i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. I HATE IT. and i scream this at god, but he doesnt listen.