ok so let me start off by quoting jason, or at least, who i think was jason,
"focus on all the things you would plan to do with your possible significant other then go find him, if he likes you you're set, if not work hard to win his affection...then live happily ever after. you can do it! i know you can!"
the problem with this is that i cant convince myself that i havent already found my one-and-only. ive tried hard to win his affection but i just came off as really creepy, so now i dont know what to do, it is so hard for me to talk to him in person, in fact, i just cant do it, and he probobally thinks thats its weird but i cant help thinking that if i say the wrong thing then im going to chase him away for good and i would not be able to handle that. anyways...
and yes. beleive me, i understand that i should take some chances. i should risk it all. i should close my eyes and jump because it might be worth the fall, but i did that once... and it backfired, and i cannot bring myself to do it again. i mean, i know myself pretty well, and i certainly know myself well wnough to know that I laugh at the stupidest things & always say the wrong things at the wrong time. I cry for no reason & sometimes I get jealous easily. I don't have it all together. But that's just me. and i know he doesnt like "just me" so untill i can like grwo up or whatever, i just need him to stick around, and if i really go for it, that wont happen, ill just chase him away. and at times he confuses me so much. It's like he smiles at me & I can't get him out of my head. and ive fallen for many a boy before, but not like this.
so untill i can grow up and he can fianlly love me (and yes i can wait, just watch me) ill be crawling into bed barely making it through. days will be going by and i will still think of him. He's the one I want to see when I wake up in the morning & before I close my eyes at night. i cant help that. i cant control it, it just is. i cant convince myself that God gave him to me to just take him away again. i dont know why hes so different eaither. it think maybe its because when i found him, i wasnt looking for the boy who could be the best boyfriend... i was looking for the boy who could be my best friend, and he was for a while. i guess the winter makes makes me laugh a little slower, makes me talk a little lower, about the things i couldn't show him, and it's been a long december, and im just realizing that there's no reason to believe it, but maybe, just maybe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I wish I could have one more chance with him. I've never felt so close with someone before. I guess I need you baby.
You Are Batman |
 Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night. And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys! |
Today's Quote
Self-trust is the first secret of success.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
You Should Be a Dancer |
 You have a unique combination of grace and athleticism.. Whether you become a salsa dancer or a ballerina, you need to get dancing! |
So tell me,
why do I always go back to you?
3 comments:
a few years ago there was a girl i really liked. she didn't like me and i could never get her to be her friend. now we talk a little, sometimes a lot on boring days but other than that it's nothing and never would be and i'm content with that. im thankful now, because we are two different, complex ppl who could never be compatible, but then i was saddened. also, i trusted the wrong ppl and was lied to the entire time. the true friends are the ones i lashed out at and they are the ones knowing i need help. i used someone i thought was a friend for help and it didn't work. the friend claimed the girl hated me and although that may be true, a lot of what i was told may not be. you will have to talk with this boy yourself, and see if would ever give you a chance if you are willing to wait your turn, but also think you may not get a turn. find friends with similar interests (in this case, boys) and hang out with them and especially hang out with the friends that already have stable love lives. they are the best teachers. there is a good boy out there for you. it's good that you are saving your love so when you do find him you will be ready. but don't save it for the wrong person.
this is all too much to read right now.
sorry
First off I wanted to say your picture is awsome because your dress blends in with the background, yeah, it's really cool.
What to say, I've been there. Totally nuts about someone. It's is so painful, but you'll make it. I'll pray for you, but you pray for you too. You can make it, and you will. You are amazing, but better yet the God we serve is even more amazinger.
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